My God is SO Big!!!

Yesterday on the lovely BBC campus was the Day of Prayer. Classes were cancelled so that the students, faculty and staff could focus on prayer. This year, we had a theme to our Day of Prayer paralleling the theme for this school year of Celebrating God's Faithfulness (seeing as this year is the 75th Anniversary of the school) - the theme yesterday was "Thankfulness For God's Faithfulness".

Yesterday could not have come at a better time. Spiritually and emotionally I was to the brink. I was dealing with a situation that seemed to be taking a very very bad turn for the worst, and all last week I was up late in distress crying out to God, over the weekend I was questioning if there is ever a time in ministry when you have to give up on someone. I dont mean stop loving them and praying for them - but when there is just nothing else you can do. Needless to say, I was pretty drained and basically wondering how God was really working in the situation.

Tuesday night Boykin came to me and said that he had the best news I could have ever wanted to hear right now. God had worked in this guy's heart and life and he made a 180. I was thrilled, my heart was rejoicing like none other. I would have been doing backflips if I had been able to!! It was just an amazing amazing answer to prayer that we had been praying hard for for a good while.

So I was already rejoicing in God's faithfulness. And then I was talking with one of my guys who was unsaved - and as we are talking I come to find out he got saved!!!!! Oh I went into my room last night about 1:30 and just was in prayer and thanking the Lord for His faithfulness and His perfect love and working all things together - and I just started to cry.

My soul and heart are so happy right now. Then I realized that i needed to ask forgiveness, because when I was praying over and over that God would be faithful and when I was struggling to decide if there is ever a time in the ministry when I just have to give up - I realized how selfish and un-Christlike I was really being.

When God has been so faithful to me, and to others and to all of mankind for the enterity of creation - how could I question being faithful in the ministry to others because of a few bad hours, days or weeks?

My God is so BIG and AWESOME and POWERFUL - He is working things together that I have yet to see. But I know that He is working I have experienced His working, and His faithfulness and my cup overflows.

Psalm 40:1-5

I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and hear and will trust in the LORD.

How blessed is the man who has made the LORD his trust, and has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood. Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done, and Your thoughts towards us; There is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, they would be too numerous to count.

Forgetting what is behind...

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:12-14

Wow, it is October 22, over half way through the first semester of my sophomore year of college, and I dont think I have posted on here once since summer ended.

A lot has happened in these short months - which at the time seemed to drag on and on. I have met a lot of new people, formed many new bonds and relationships and even experienced many heartaches. We have roughly 30 new guys in the dorm this year, thats about 60% brand new.

As Boykin puts it to us RAs "We have lots of opportunities!" Man is that true! At first I was scared, then I was brave, and then I was scared again. God has really been growing me and teaching me a lot this semester. About what it means to be a man, a true man - man after God's own heart.

To be completely honest I am terrified. Not because I dont want to do the right thing - but mainly because people are looking to me for leadership. I am scared that because of my past and because I know the person under the outer shell, that God wouldnt want to use me. He wouldnt want to use someone who isnt perfect, who has sinned and whom others have sinned against. I have been hurt and have hurt others.

But then I have been learning that it isnt sin that defines me. It isnt my shortcomings, it isnt my failures, someone else's sin against me doesnt define who I am either. What defines me is Christ, my Lord and Savior. He loves me perfectly, and His love is not a performanced based love - it is an unconditional and perfect love.

"Part of being a man is realizing my weaknesses and seeking God out through them. I can lead and be courageous in the face of fear and uncertainty. Being a man means not stepping down, being a man means never giving up, but pressing onward with Heaven in sight. It means loving God with my whole heart and loving woman as she is to be loved. It means not settling for anything less than the plan God has for my life."

Journal Entry 10/16/2007

I think the biggest thing that I have learned is grace & showcasing God's love by continually loving people through sin and failure - because I am the same. I need that same thing when I fail, if I was to give anything less than everything I have, then I would be doing God and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ a disservice.

-Alex

The Key to Happiness

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=3499089

So this lovely Monday morning as I am getting ready to finish my 8p-8a security shift here at school I am online reading the news on the ever so trustworthy abcnews.com. And I come across a headline entitiled : "FAMILY TIES KEY TO YOUTH HAPPINESS".

So being the inquisitive person I am, I click the link and read an article about a poll that was conducted by The Associated Press and MTV on over 1,000 kids ages 13-24.

Now I read the news at least 3 times a day, and I must say that it can get pretty discouraging ready about all the freak earthquakes, mine cave-ins, hurricanes, I.E.D.'s, terrorism, political garbage and the list really goes on and on and on... but this was an article that shocked me. For as much as teens are known for hating their family and being all emo and hating their life, this actually shocked me.

"So you're between the ages of 13 and 24. What makes you happy? A worried, weary parent might imagine the answer to sound something like this: Sex, drugs, a little rock 'n' roll. Maybe some cash, or at least the car keys.

Turns out the real answer is quite different. Spending time with family was the top answer to that open-ended question, according to an extensive survey more than 100 questions asked of 1,280 people ages 13-24 conducted by The Associated Press and MTV on the nature of happiness among America's young people

Next was spending time with friends, followed by time with a significant other. And even better for parents: Nearly three-quarters of young people say their relationship with their parents makes them happy."

In the world we live in today, and as much crap and filth as there is out there - this was a pleasant suprise to start my day. I thought for a change I would pass along some of the positive news : ]

Here We Are Again

Well I am back in PA after a week and a half "vacation".
I think like a day or two after my last post my grandpa passed away. I was trying to get home to see him before that happened, but I was about 17 hours too late.

He passed away on Tuesday July 10, and my mom had called me telling me she had switched my plane ticket so that I was coming home Wednesday, and I would be in Illinois at 1030 am. Well he passed Tuesday evening. So needless to say I was at home for a funeral. It was a really nice service though, the night before the service my uncle who is a pastor approached me at about 10p and asked me to sing and speak a little.

SO I went ahead and did that, it turned out really well and I am glad that I did it. I met a lot of family that I have never met before. Spent a lot of family time at my grandma's for the first week that I was home and that was good.

It was good getting to see people again that I havent seen for a while. I guess I was home sick, which was weird for me because I have never been homesick before in my life. My whole first year that I was at BBC I never was, even when I traveled out to Montana, Washington or Arkansas when I was younger without my parents I never got homesick - - so that was different for me.

Right now it is TLC (Teen Leadership Conference) here at BBC. Its weird after this summer has been so quite to have over 650 teens here, plus their leaders, and then counselors and support staff. But its cool because I am friends with a lot of the people counseling, so its good to see some familar faces again.

Thats all for now, this is getting pretty wordy.
-Alex

The Alamo Is No Place For Dancing

So I love this song. The Alamo Is No Place For Dancing by The Scene Aesthetic that is. I pretty much love their whole CD. When I am in "one of those moods" this is one of the CDs that I listen to.

A CD about being a guy, feeling like you have lost this great amazing love of your life, depressed in an emo sort of way type of thing. Pretty much the story of my life. I dont know why - - but its just like that.

I have been in a weird mood for a little over a week. Lots of reasons I suppose. I am hoping that when I go home for a week on the 16th that will be cured. I'm not sure how, but I think it will help. There are some people that I need to see and spend some time with that I have been waiting to see for a while. Some stuff I need to work through, some people I need to say goodbye to.

I feel like a lot of the reasons that I stayed in PA this summer are because I didnt think I was strong enough to go home and be faced with some temptations that seem to pop up around certain friends. And so I didnt want to deal with that. Is that good? I dunno, sort of I suppose. It will be interesting.

My high school years were the best years of my life...up until that point. Unfortunatley I am realizing that its time to move on - - hardcore. Stop clinging to the fantasies I had of life years ago, when I thought I could change people. I've realized its not me who does the changning. Rather I put myself out there and then pray, because its not up to me. And I am becoming ok with that I guess. Its hard. But thats life.

So here are the lyrics to that song that I love. Because I am done with this post.

Sing me a song, tell me about The things you're dealing with lately I don't understand how you could Sing to me lies, let them linger Inside of me, give me a reason To stay with you, just let me know So I can run away faster than ever before

Counting down all of the hours I've spent here Drowning in all of your lies dear I wish that I could have been warned So I'll tell them steer clear of Texas To warn them and let them all know what's in store To let them all know what's in store

I can't tell you how much I'd love to take back every word I said You gave me every reason to ignore the lies you fed me then And I'm so sorry dear, I must escape before you suffocate me So I waited patiently as long as I could Fought so hard for a girl, that I loved But who later turned out to be someone I hardly knew

Counting down all of the hours I've spent here Drowning in all of your lies dear I wish that I could have been warned So I'll tell them steer clear of Texas To warn them and let them all know what's in store To let them all know what's in store (To let them all know you're a whore)

Spent a lot of my time trying to make this alright, trying to make this alright Spent a lot of my time trying to make this alright, trying to make this alright Alone now, I hope this is all that you wanted Spent a lot of my time trying to make this alright, trying to make this alright And you'll be alone till, the time that you change, but you'll never change Spent a lot of my time trying to make this alright, trying to make this alright Alone now, I hope this is all that you wanted Spent a lot of my time trying to make this alright, trying to make this alright And you'll be alone till, the time that you change, but you'll never change Alone now, I hope this is all that you wanted And you'll be alone now, I hope this is all that you wanted

Decisions...

After a lot of thinking and criticism, I have decided that I am leaving Wednesday (assuming my car is done by then) to go home to Illinois for the rest of the summer.

My Dad called the other day and said that my Grandpa's cancer has progessed a lot farther and faster and has finally spead to his bones. As of Thursday they gave him 3 days to a month. Its hard and I originally thought that I was going home for that reason alone. And then I realized that I was using it somewhat has a front to go home, because I have been miserable at BBC this summer. Dont get me wrong, I love this school, but this summer is a bit much.

And then I talked to my Dad because him and my Mom didnt think that I should come home. And my Dad said some stuff that hurt, but it made me realize even more that I needed to go home. Because there are wrongs that need to be righted. And I think that after realizing that, that if I didnt go home I would be making a big mistake.

So my Dad, in trying to convince me that I shouldnt come home, actually succeeded in convincing me even further that it was the right thing. Who would have thought? So if you could all be praying for me as I pack up to go home these next couple of days, and a hard rest of the summer that lies ahead of me! Pray for my family and the comfort of my Grandpa in his final days.

God Bless!
Alex

Finally...

I finally got an estimate for my car that I am happy with. After driving with a car that looked like this for over a month...about time I am getting it fixed. I just have to wait for all of the parts to come in and then I am golden - I hope.

Anyways enjoy the pictures of my crashed up car!

A New Journey. . .

I never really would have guessed that I would be the type of person going on a diet, at least a specific diet that had its own book, cookbooks, workout tapes, etc... But I have decided to give it a shot, the South Beach Diet that is.

After talking to several people who have done the diet, and after purchasing and reading the book I decided "What's there to lose, besides the weight?" So far so well. I've been hitting the gym, I'm crazy sore though. I just got back from working out actually, and I can't lift my arms above my head and my legs are so sore they feel like Jell-O, my chest is so sore that I fell like my moobs (man boobs) are gonna fall off...probably wouldnt be a bad thing. Oh, well, you get the picture.

I am excited though. This first two weeks is gonna be tough, but its gonna be worth it. I can't wait to see the end result... in about 60-70lbs! Just pray for me that I continue to have the patience, resolve and will power to see this through to the end!

Summer so far...

Well so far this summer has been unlike any other summer I have ever experienced. Its the middle of June and I have yet to be on a vacation yet. which is very odd for me. Usually average about 5 vacations a summer . . . so all this summer time work has been different.

Living at BBC for the summer has proven to be an experience. I love this place, but its hard when there arent a lot of people around, and you're working 50 hours a week for the school and then about 20 more at the hotel. Oh well, thats what its all about...the money - unfortunatley.

Its weird to think that this time last year I was flying in a plane from Chicago to Sao Paulo Brazil. I really miss Brazil and cant wait to hopefully go back in a couple years. Its also weird that right now my family is at the cabin in Minnesota and I am not there. This makes 2 years in a row.

But its alright, I guess thats part of being an adult, right? Making sacrafices for the long run. At least thats what I keep telling myself. I am definitley looking forward to flying home next month though. Can't wait to see everyone back home, hang out with the friends and the family, go to a wedding. Its gonna be good.

Well I need to cut this entry short, since I have to get dressed for another 12 hour shift : /

The Gateway

I have often heard people, mainly in my "Christian circles", speak about the complete and utter depravity of man. Some blame much of today's problems in this society and country on removing God from the schools, banning prayer or of the 10 Commandments being publicly displayed...but these things did not happen over night.

Nothing really does, happen over night that is. For example WWII did not happen over night, there was a long list of problems and consequences that can be traced back hundreds of years, through WWI and into the 1700's and 1800's.

Ok so where am I going with this? Let me explain. . .

So I am currently in May School, taking American Literature with Dr. Hicks. I actually am really enjoying the class, Mrs. Hicks is an amazing teacher with a great passion, not only for literature, but for God and her students. As we are traveling through time on our literary journey starting with the Puritans all the way through the American Civil War, I am noticing a trend.

Well, maybe downward spiral would be a better phrase than trend. As I am reading through literature on and by J. Winthrop, J. Edwards, I. Mather, Woolman then into Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Paine and RWEmerson and HDThoreau, and even Arthur Miller; I am really put off and disgusted in the departure of God from everyday life and thought. It pains me to see how God has been taken from the center of life and government to a benign God, who will eventually, by Nietche (sp) will be said to be dead; "God is dead".

I guess I should not be suprised by the state of the world in which I live - the Bible says that this world is decaying and dying. I do take comfort in God and knowing that He has a perfect and Divine plan that one day includes resurrecting all of those who profess a believing faith in Him and I will rejoice in my Home going someday - - - but the level at which man has distorted God's creation is horrific at best.

And something that scares me even more, is that I am that same man. I have the same sin nature as Saddam Hussien had. Luckily, I have the saving grace that has set me free from it all, and the Spirit resides in me.

Alas, I feel as though I am straying from my point. It has been very - uh - eye-opening to read through all of this literature and see the rapid decay of man and his relationship with God over a short hundred years. Scary to be honest. I do not know where to begin, except to pray. To pray for mankind and that God will somehow use me to go into this world. While I am living on this earth it is not my duty to seperate and hide in fear, but rather I must follow the biblical mandate to go out into the world and live, to be salt and light. To be, as Winthrop put it, "a city on a hill".

Just wanted to share those thoughts.
-Alex

It's Funny...

How whenever you feel like you are getting ahead in life, something is there to rip you back to reality. For example, yesterday I get off work from the hotel, drive back to school pick up a check to be deposited into my bank account (a very large check), so I deposit the check, and as I am driving back to school I get into a car accident.

Its my fault. So, luckily the other vehicle wasnt damaged, but mine was - cosmetic, but expensive. So I had gone from this high of feeling that I was beginning to get ahead financialy, I turn a corner and WHAM! That entire check is now easily gone. We will see though. I have been praying that it will all work out and have minor expenses. We will see.

I guess the positive thing is that I realized that my priorities have been in the wrong place, and that my relationship with God has been suffering as of late. With everything that has been happening with the end of the school year, starting this new job, moving dorms for the summer and just transitioning to a new schedule and adjusting to the summer changes my devotional life has gone by the wayside. And somehow God is using this to help me evaluate myself and priorities and whatnot.

We will see. As of right now I am just praying that everything works out for the best and that I can get this situation behind ASAP.

-Alex

Until now...

I never really was one of those people who was all anti-war, nor am I. Because I know that there is a lot that goes into a war that the general public doesnt know about, nor do I pretend to understand it all. In fact I would even say that I support President Bush as he is having to make some very tough decisions in a country and government that is so sharply divided.

I never really stopped to think about how the War on Terror and the War in Iraq really effected the civillian nationals. Do not get me wrong, I am not ignorant. I read the news about 7 times a day, but I guess I didnt realize how bad it really was. Then today I was reading on abcnews.com that 1 in 8 Iraqi children die before they reach the age of 5!

A lot of this has to do with the war - but a large part is due to the hell that Saddam Hussein put his people through. The country is utter and complete chaos. The people suffering the most though, are children.

I guess in a way its discouraging to see day after day the reports of the car bombings that happen every single day, or the air raids in Afghanistan , the suicide killings for the name of Allah - - I have to hope and pray that we are doing good over there and more damage. That means that I have to trust our government, but even more so God.

Because He is the Almighty God, creator of Heaven and Earth. There is no way that I can know His plans. It is just hard at times - especially when you see a picture like this:

Its here

Well this is it. The last day of classes. One more class and then I am done.
With the exceptions of finals. I only have to take 4 this semester, which is a blessing!

This past weekend was busy and it pushed me a lot, but it was good overall. Friday I didnt get home from work until 4 am! Then I worked Saturday, which was the bussiest day at the hotel in the past 10 years. It was mad crazy, I worked a party by myself which went well. And then ended another late night at 3am.

Sunday was good. Church was amazing. I love Parker Hill, the messages are amazing and the people are great too. I feel like I am learning real applicable truths there, and our small groups Sunday evenings have been really stretching as we explored what it meant to be "spiritual" and we worked through the book "Messy Spirituality", while we did not agree on all points in the book, which is ok, it truly is a book that helps you to evaluate what you consider spiritual.

I think often we all strive for this holier than thou spirituality that was displayed by one of our heroes of the faith, without realizing that we are all different, unique and special in the eyes of God. That we are all, on some level spiritual. Often how we classify those that are "spiritual" is not biblically accurate.

I have been really thankful for that Parker Hill/BBC small group and I am excited for the "eclectic" group we have, as Julie puts it. I think we were all able to connect on a level that we probably wouldnt have otherwise.

Well this needs to be cut off, more to come later about church Sunday!
Alex

The first of that lasts....

Its crazy to think about it, that is the last week of classes for my freshman year of college. It has begun though, the first of the lasts (for this year anyways).
Monday was the last President's Chapel.
Today was the last Defending the Faith class.
Thursday is the last New Test. Survey and Building a Biblical Lifestyle class.
Last small group.
Last week with the seniors living in the dorm.

Well you get the picture.
It is just amazing to see where God has brought in thist past year. That a year ago I was on prom court and we were all going to our senior prom, and then graduation with all the parties that entails. Going to Brazil and all the preperation that took. And now to be sitting in my dorm, looking around at the mess of a half packed room that is chaotic and dirty and somehow has to be spotless within a week.

To be thinking that I have been living with a group of guys for the past 2 semesters, and it seems like I have always been at BBC and have always lived with these people because we are that tight.

Then I just have to reflect on where I am now, spiritually. I think back to all the things I have gone through in the past year, in the past 5, my whole life and I know that God has a purpose for my life. Because without all the things that have happened to me and I have experienced, I would not be the person I am today, doing the things I am doing today. God has used every situation in my life for either the positive or negative. There is no middle ground, God has a plan for it all.

I see that in my job at Nichols Village with the people I come into contact with there. That God has placed me there for a reason ,and I love the people that I work with. More than just on a co-worker level. I am actually involved and apart of these people's lvies and that is extraordinary. I look at my position as an RA for my next years in this dorm. And I can only imagine what God will teach me through that - - after knowing how my RA's have impacted my life.

I guess what I am saying is that it has been amazing to search for God. Not in a salvation context, because I know the Lord God Almighty, I have a personal relationship with Him as He is my Savior, my Rock. But searching God out in my day to day life, searching for what He is trying to do in my life and listening for His will.

Its been great to find Him and know that He is there and know that He is intimatley involved in my life. There is no greater thing but to search for God and find ways to glorify Him in everything you do. This is my journey.

Our Pale Blue Dot

We live on a pale blue dot, a speck in the spectrum of the universe.

It was cool, after I posted my last blog, late that night I went out on the quad at first and then out onto the soccer field to watch a meteor shower (although it never really got that intense while we were out there), it was awesome to just lay beneath the stars and look up at the night sky and its rolling expanse and all of its glory.

I couldnt help but think to myself that this was just one of the canvas' that God has used to demonstrate His almighty power, love and creativity.

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens; Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and strength, not one of them is missing. " - - Isaiah 40:26



As beautiful as Van Gogh's "Starry Night" is, and it is worth millions of dollars, it still doesnt not begin to capture or recreate the beauty and majesty as only God can do. Words fail me when I search for a way to describe the pure and utter power and vastness of God's intimate and detailed creation. God is not limited to this earth, nor is He limited to this universe. . .

But rather, He took the time to create it all, to know the name of every star, to know the number of grains of sand that the earth contains, the number of heairs on my head and a love that knows no comparison. The love of the Father is incomprehendable. He sent His Son to die for the sins of the world which He created, a world that turned their backs on Him.

If that isnt amazing love, then I dont know what is.

"The Universe is One of God's Thoughts"

The Universe is one of God's thoughts.

That is a pretty profound statement, not to mention an amazing and humbling thing to meditate upon. At church we have just begun a series of the Trinity. Today's message was entitled "The Father: Powerful Creator". It was an amazing sermon that left me feeling greatly humbled and greatly rejoicing for the Creator of this universe cares about me, loves me and knows me by name.

I want to spend this week really meditating on my notes and the Scripture passages that relate to the powerful sermon that I heard this beautiful Sunday morning.



This photo is entitled "The Blue Marvel" It was a picture taken from the Apollo in space. It is a beautiful portrate of this planet. Stop and think about this:
Every human that has ever lived. Every emperor, king, slave, civilization, war, disease, famine, every man and woman, every young couple in love, every child that is born, every good time, every laugh, every sorrowful moment, every death, every single thing involving man has happened on this earth. This earth has seen the rise and fall of powerful civilizations.

This earth is only a speck, a "pale blue dot" on the expanse of the this solar system, even larger this galaxy, even larger still in this universe.

In church I was sitting there just watching this presentation, a journey through the universe, and scale pictures of the earth compared to the sun, compared to Jupiter, its place in the Milky Way, and in the Universe over all...it is mind blowing.

Let me briefly start from the beginning, and then continue on with this story throughout the week.

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty..." In the beginning God created the heavens, the universe. I challenge you all to go on the internet or to a NASA website and begin to look through pictures of the universe and do a little light reading on the sites and you will begin to understand how unfathomably vast the universe is.



That is simply the Milky Way Galaxy, notice where the sun is in proportion to our galaxy.

"Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the eart, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." Gen. 1:26'

We were created after every star was hung in the sky, every solar system, galaxy and the universe was complete. He loved us enough that after he named every star, we were created in His image, He breathed breath into our lungs.

How humbling is it to know that we are so unfathomably minute compared to all of the universe, and yet to God Himself. I cannot even begin to describe what is does for my soul to know that That God loves me! The very God that the Bible describes as a God wrapped in light, is the same who sent His Son to this earth, who stepped down from Heaven from His throne and into time and space to live and die for me.

I sit here with tears in my eyes typing these words because His love is so amazing!!!

Well this post has run long enough, I will be sharing more as the week progresses. God bless and may you all bbe continually reminded of the love of God and His role in your life, your creation and how small you are. As I said in my previos post our lives are but vapors.

God Bless,
Alex

Depravity

"Complete and utter depravity."
That is what continued to run through my mind as I sat glued to the tv watching FoxNews for the past 45 minutes.

At least 32 people are dead at Virginia Tech, about 28 wounded and in the hospital with 4 in critical condition.

This school shooting is the worst shooting in US history, not simply for schools, but shooting, period. I guess when I think of school shootings, I see it as somewhat limited to high schools with the whole teenage angst thing. But this is mad crazy.

You would think to shoot over 60 people you would need massive amounts of weapons. They were saying that the shooter, who is dead, could easily have had a fanny pack with 2 handguns and multiple clips, weighing under 5lbs and it wouldnt be noticed at all. That is ridiculous.

I immediatley thought of Columbine when I first was reading about this on abcnews.com this morning. And I found out that this week it will have been 8 years since the Columbine massacre. Its crazy to see how things have changed drastically in my lifetime, but I cannot even begin to fathom what things will be like for my children. This world is crazy. It is insane to look back and remember the Columbine shooting, the Oklahoma City Bombing, 9/11, even the shooting this past year in PA at the Amish school and now this. The largest schooting ever in U.S. history.

I am definitley praying for the students at Virginia Tech, their families, faculty members, the police and emergency responders. A lot of people are effected by this, the school has over 25,000 students! I couldnt begin to imagine that happening to me, or even to people that I know. I have already found out that several of my friends have siblings and friends that go to college there.

I pray that as these people are hurting and searching in their lives, that God's grace and love will be poured into their lives and made evident, because they need Jesus so badly. I mourn for the souls that have entered into eternity today and the likelyhood that they may not have known Christ as their personal Lord and Savior and that means that they are destined for hell.

Reflecting.
Alex

"3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

1 Peter 1:3-7

April 16, 2007. . .

This April 16th is unlike any other that I have EVER experienced.

Usually mid-way through April I am dealing with warm rain showers, budding trees, green grass and birds singing in the early morning.
That was Illinois.

This is Northeast Pennsylvania.
So this mid-April day I am dealing with howling winds whipping across the quad of BBC, snow swirling around me in all directions, snot freezing in my nose, my eyebrows crystalizing as I walk to my classes...and there are no birds chirpping, no green grass, no budding trees. . .

My conclusion is that as I am working at BBC all summer long I will at the very least, be wearing a light jacket/wind breaker all summer long. And to think I was going to go to AE and buy a pair of shorts.

Ridiculous.
-Alex

Cancer.

Cancer.
The word that has seemed to haunt me all of my life, since I was 4 years old.
Well, its back in my life again. My grandfather was diagnosed with cancer a couple months ago, February I believe. He has already had his second treatment of chemo. and it doesnt appear to be doing much.

In fact it has spread to his brain and is growing and thriving there. They are supposed to run some more tests, but it seems like they might discontinue the chemo and try radiation on his brain. Who knows.

Its weird to hear a doctor say how long someone has left on this earth. To put a timetable on someones life from anywhere between 6 months and a year is pretty frightening and surreal. It is hard to imagine life without someone that has always been there.

You would think that you would get used to this aspect of life...but you never really do. I guess, that if you were used to it and ok with it all then you might be in a not so good place. I just have to remember that I have the one true God that with His abounding love and grace I can make it through all things.

I continually pray for strength and for His grace to strengthen me, so that I may be one is unwaivering in faith.

-Alex

"Fear not, for I am with youl Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10

Disappointment

Maybe its just me, but I feel really disappointed in people when you expect more out of them and they chose the path of sin over and over again. You try and help them in anyway you can and you and others try and point them towards Christ, but it feels like they are running as fast as they can away from God.

I dunno... it is just hard to step back and say "Lord, whatever Your will is here, let it be done." And just step back from a situation and let it be and pray. Maybe its because I like to feel like a savior of sorts, helping and doing everything in my power to right a wrong - - but that is the wrong attitude.

Its not up to me. It is up to the Creator and it is all written in His divine plan - - and that can definitley be hard to realize and accept. I hate to say "All I can do is pray", because thats what I should be doing in the first place and that is the best thing that I could ever do for someone.

I pray that my mindset would be changed in this aspect and that Christ would continue to mold me to His likeness and that I would just step back completely and understand that God is in control and let Him work His plan, in His time. I also pray for my friend, that he would realize his sin and take the right steps in his life to reconcile with God and stop trying to fool himself and others.

After all we are to be a city on a hill, and it is hard to be that beacon of light when our words say one thing, and our actions preach something utterly to the contrary.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfetor of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (v.1-2)....My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
--Hebrews 12:1-2, 5-6

Reflection

Well its April 9 which means I have 4 weeks of classes left and 3 days of finals until I am finished with my first year of college. Crazy thought, considering that it seemed to take me ages to get out of high school and to this place in my life.

God has been doing a great work in my life through it all. A lot has changed, and thats ok. I am actually pretty happy with my life considering all the major changes, losses and ups and downs of life. This past year has been a celebration of life, both eternal life and new life on this earth. I welcomed in a new cousin and ushered out my great grandfather to the glory of Heaven.

I have had great times of reflection after times of despair. When I was in Arkansas last month for my great grandfather's funeral, it was amazing to celebrate the life of man who came to know Christ at age 72 and then went on to serve Him and do great things for Him until the day he died, days short of his 92nd birthday. But at the same time it brought unexpected pain.

As we traveled from the funeral home to the cemetary and concluded the burial services I turned to my right and there was the grave of my Grandpa Jerry who died of cancer way too young in life, and that brought back a deep pain, not only for me, but also for my family.

Privately it sent me in a bit of a tailspin. I began to relive the questions I had when I was so young. Questions like "Why did God have to take my Grandpa, he was my best friend?" or "God must not care because he let that happen to my Grandpa, and it has forever changed our family".

And then as I came back to school a week later and as I was doing my Bible study I was reading through Habbakuk - - for possibly the first time in my life. As I read through it, initially I saw the writings of a man who was angry with God, because he did not understand how the Creator was allowing such wickednesss and pain to prevail. It isnt until the 3rd and final chapter that Habbakuk comes to the realization that God has a Sovereign plan and His will is superior to anything we could ever dream of or know.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."
Hab. 3:17-19

Though there seems to be no fruit or positive things in our/my life at times, I need to be constantly rejoicing because I have the God of lovingkindess who prevails and is my Savior. He gives me strength to carry on and he enables me to go to the heights in life. I guess I must continually work to remember that God will never give me/us more than we can handle in life. He will always be there forever and ever.

He will not leave nor forsake me. I can rejoice that in the pain I am stronger in Him. He enables me to persevere. There is no greater thing and I fully complete in Him. God's redemptive story is one that reaches to the beginning of time as we know it and because of that I can face the heartache and understand there is a greater plan than I can ever know. I am but a speck of dust in God's universe of knowledge, and yet he loves me.

A good friend once said to me that we are but a vapor. I am just thankful for my vapor, and that Christ came to this earth and shed His redeeming blood for me. I am alive and well in HIM!!