Forgetting what is behind...

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:12-14

Wow, it is October 22, over half way through the first semester of my sophomore year of college, and I dont think I have posted on here once since summer ended.

A lot has happened in these short months - which at the time seemed to drag on and on. I have met a lot of new people, formed many new bonds and relationships and even experienced many heartaches. We have roughly 30 new guys in the dorm this year, thats about 60% brand new.

As Boykin puts it to us RAs "We have lots of opportunities!" Man is that true! At first I was scared, then I was brave, and then I was scared again. God has really been growing me and teaching me a lot this semester. About what it means to be a man, a true man - man after God's own heart.

To be completely honest I am terrified. Not because I dont want to do the right thing - but mainly because people are looking to me for leadership. I am scared that because of my past and because I know the person under the outer shell, that God wouldnt want to use me. He wouldnt want to use someone who isnt perfect, who has sinned and whom others have sinned against. I have been hurt and have hurt others.

But then I have been learning that it isnt sin that defines me. It isnt my shortcomings, it isnt my failures, someone else's sin against me doesnt define who I am either. What defines me is Christ, my Lord and Savior. He loves me perfectly, and His love is not a performanced based love - it is an unconditional and perfect love.

"Part of being a man is realizing my weaknesses and seeking God out through them. I can lead and be courageous in the face of fear and uncertainty. Being a man means not stepping down, being a man means never giving up, but pressing onward with Heaven in sight. It means loving God with my whole heart and loving woman as she is to be loved. It means not settling for anything less than the plan God has for my life."

Journal Entry 10/16/2007

I think the biggest thing that I have learned is grace & showcasing God's love by continually loving people through sin and failure - because I am the same. I need that same thing when I fail, if I was to give anything less than everything I have, then I would be doing God and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ a disservice.

-Alex